Nov 3 2014
I burned my journals of 10 years on Sat night. I had written in journals from 1995-2005. I found them 2 months ago in my parents house. I started reading one and couldn't put it down. It turned into days of reading each page of each journal. It was like a depressing saga. The self hate, the dysfunctional eating habits, the men that i thought hurt me and the self pity. I was such a victim of life. I owned none of it. Poor me. why me. tomorrow will be better. I was so depressed and had no self worth.
A wise friend of mine suggested i burn them. So on Sat night I did just that. These words are no longer part of me. It is no longer my present. It is not me anymore. It was so hard to let them go. I would read a page in front of the fire place and i thought i just couldn't burn this one- no way. I threw it in the fire anyway. I watched it burn and let it go. It was no longer part of me. There were about 10 journals that i burned that night- each one just as hard to let go of.
It is fascinating how we hold on to the pain- like if we hold onto it then it will be transformed when actually it is just the opposite. Something about it is comforting because it has been a part of us for so long. It is who we have identified ourselves with for so long. Who are we without it??
Thats the thing though. If we can remember that nothing in life is static. That the only truth that I have yet to discover is that everything changes. So if we hold onto our past selves it can only cause us pain bc we are holding onto something that no longer holds true. Our truth, our story, will be in constant change for the rest of our lives. It is an ever evolving process. If we continue to identify ourselves with our past selves, how will we ever step into our truths if our truth is always changing.
Ask yourself what it is worth to you to be free, to be happy, to live this one life to its fullest potential- really ask yourself. If the answer is “everything” then it’s time to let go of the old story and step into who are truly are today.